Everythings Alright
by SkyKissed
Summary: The League Of OTP's and Damn Sexy Relationships is here to assure you that everything is alright with some of your favorite couples. Up first, House and Cuddy. In which we discuss a Wilson threesome and David Shore's legion of angst monkeys.
1. Chapter 1: HuddyView

Sky: This is what happens when I get really bored and feel like being cynical...

Cuddy: This isn't even that funny...

Sky: You're right, Cuddy, it isn't. But just think, readers, what would it be like if there _was _a company that hired characters to reassure fanfiction writers that their pairings of choice were safe despite the tumultuous writing? Yeah. Boggles the mind doesn't it. Here in lies what it would be like if we hired House and Cuddy to reassure us of their undying affection for each other. And I wanted to try something a little different in my writing style. So, italics is the interviewer, and the characters have their names next to what they're saying. Hopefully you'll find this a little amusing. :)

House: Sky does not own House or any of its characters. As always, we are eternally grateful for this.

* * *

_There are very few things in life that give the fan fiction writer more joy then seeing their pairing of choice become cannon. And there are few things more disappointing to the fanfic writer then to see said pairing of choice ripped so callously away from them at the last moment in what seems to be a dramatic turn for the worse. If you doubt this fact, you have obviously never talked to a disgruntled Hameron fan. _

_These fears are destined to come and go in the world of fanfiction and thus, we must weather them as best we can. But to allay some of those deeply ingrained fears, we, the members of League Of OTP's and Damn Sexy Relationships, have summoned forth some of the cast of House. And they, beleaguered fanfic writers, will tell you that everything will be alright. _

House: I have no intention of doing that.

_Well you aren't given a choice, Mr. House. We summoned you. Now tell the damn writers what they want to hear so they can get back to cranking out fabulous Huddy stories to spurn on the love fest. _

House: Or, I could sit here and stare at you until this interview is over.

_You insist on being childish, don't you? _

House: Yep.

_Just do the interview. Cuddy's here, everyone. She's gonna tell you that every thing's going to be okay. No matter how many curve ball's David Shore throws at us, everything will work out alright. And now, on with the interview. _

Cuddy: Greetings, fanfiction writers, I'm Lisa Cuddy and this is Gregory House. He's not talking to any of you right now because he's an arrogant ass.

House: Damn straight.

Cuddy: Now, it has been brought to our attention, as two of the characters on the show, that you are worried about the state of our relationship. Now, we've had some ups and downs in the past few weeks....

House: She tore apart my race track...

Cuddy: He made out with a hooker when I was coming to confess my undying love for him...

House: But altogether we're doing alright. Well...as alright as two emotionally crippled people who are so terrified of being close to anyone that they lash out in childishly spiteful ways, can be.

Cuddy: Of course. We're doing fine, fan fiction writers, and we encourage you to keep writing us in sexy situations. Because maybe one of these days David Shore will get the hint and understand that having us beat around the bush for five MORE seasons just isn't the best course of action.

_There you are fanfiction writers. A reassurance from two of your favorite characters that their relationship is going strong, no matter what emotional turmoil they are going through. Now, before we release them, House and Cuddy have some predictions as to what direction the show might take._

Cuddy: Well, the show's something of a mystery, even to the characters that are in it. I never know what's going to happen each week so...venturing a guess could be hard....

House: I know exactly what's going to happen.

Cuddy: You're not going to tell us though are you?

House: Nope. Not a chance.

Cuddy: (rolls eyes) Well. If I had to venture a guess I'd say that House and I will eventually hook up. Hopefully in a few episodes, maybe the season finale....

House: Never gonna happen, Cuddles...

Cuddy: House, what the hell are you talking about? They've been hinting at a relationship between us for the past four seasons you can't just...

House: And that's exactly why it's never gonna happen.

Cuddy: …?

House: Shore knows people like us together. Shore knows we've got good chemistry and that we'd make an awesome couple. He's not stupid Cuddy. He's a genius! He _knows._

Cuddy: House, if Shore _knows_ that the viewers love us, why wouldn't he get us together?

House: That's the simple part, Cuddy. You see, David Shore will never get us together because he hates the viewers.

Cuddy: That makes no...

House: Oh, but it does. Think back on, Cuddy. Season 3, we got all those romantic moments. Remember the airplane?

Cuddy: I remember you staring at my ass a lot...

House: That too. I interrupt your dates, yadayadayada, and then _nothing_. Season four comes along, we've got strip teases and love lorn glances, and hand holding and what happens?

Cuddy: Nothing...

House: **Yeah**. And now what? We've kissed. We've talked about our _feelings. _Wilson thinks we're in love. The viewers think we're in love. _Cameron_ thinks we're in love! CAMERON, CUDDY! Shore's made Cameron one of our shippers! You have to know what that means.

Cuddy: (Bleakly) Oh god. Your right. We're never gonna get together. Oh _god_, fanfiction writers, we're _never _going to get together....

House: (pats Cuddy's hand)

…_? What? **No**! You're supposed to be reassuring the fan fiction writers that you WILL be getting together! What is this? Why all the tears! House, what did you do to her!  
_

Cuddy: Oh god he's right! There's never been any Huddy! It's all a vicious lie constructed by Shore to cruelly manipulate his fans emotions!

…_? NO! Fan fiction writers, don't believe her! It's just a joke. Um...yeah...we're gonna take a brief...intermission..._

Cuddy: IT'S ALL A _LIE_!

_____

Sky: Wow. That was slightly random. But this has been a conspiracy theory I've had for a couple of years now. Shore's an evil genius. And no matter how much I love Huddy, I know the truth. I know. Because I know Shore.

House: You and your conspiracy theories....

Sky: Yeah. Awesome isn't it? Maybe I'll do one of these for one of the other pairings...or do more with Huddy. I dunno. This was kind of fun to write. What do you guys think?


	2. Chapter 2: Valentine's Day and Phishynes

Sky: I bring back craziness! Cause' that's how I roll!

House: You're crazy alright...

Sky: Yup. Now, I'd thank to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. It was awesome. Love you for that. Um...as a type of disclaimer, pretty much everything expressed here is opinion and has no factual base whatsoever.

Cuddy: Cause that's_ also_ how she rolls.

Sky: So the sections where the characters are talking...like about things we don't know about them, yeah, I totally am making that up. It ain't true. Just thought you should know. And sorry. This is kind of short. Oh well! Now, ONWARDS!

_______________

_Well dear fanfiction writers, I think we learned something from our last interview. That leaving House alone in the the same room as Cuddy only leads to terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, things. Like telling her and you, the readers, that they are never going to get together!_

House: Yeah. I was lying about that.

_No you weren't. Stop negating things._

Cuddy: Haven't I said that before...?

_I'm fairly certain you said he negates EVERYTHING. So, mine was different._

Cuddy: Whatever you say. But House is right. He was lying.

House: Yeah. We decided to spite Shore and take matters into our own hands.

_This can't be good...._

House: So after the interview, we went and did it in Cuddy's office. Suck it, Shore!

_Well, there you have it. They're a couple now. Not exactly romantic was it? _

House: I don't do romantic.

Cuddy: This is true. This one time we went out in college, he blackmailed me into it.

House: Cuddy, don't take skanky photo's if you don't want me to mercilessly exploit them.

_Alrighty then. We have some questions for you this time around. Thanks to the havoc you caused last time, we've had to initiate a script type format. So you can't go off on random tangents and throw people into spirals of depression. _

House: Yup, that's my job.

_First question. Tell us something about your relationship that we, the fans, don't already know. _

House: Every year since 1992, Cuddy and I have spent Valentines day together.

_I think you're lying. That sounds almost romantic. _

Cuddy: Yeah. It's not so romantic when you hear the whole story. Every year we _have_ spent Valentines day together but....

House: No better day to watch Silence of the Lambs.

_Um....that's...kind of romantic. I guess...._

House: After six beers anythings romantic! And let me tell you, halfway through that movie, Cuddy's hittin' a tub of chocolate phish ice-cream faster then a fat kid in a chocolate factory.

_What? _

House: Cannibalism turns Cuddy on.

Cuddy: The hell!?

House: Yeah. The truth comes out.

_Um....Doctor Cuddy...any comments? _

Cuddy: Cannibalism does _not_ turn me on.

House: She's lying. See, she's blushing.

Cuddy: I'm not lying!

House: Look Cuddy, you can either be turned on by cannibalism or Hopkins, who's...seventy.

Cuddy: I choose Hopkins!

House: You're sick, Cuddy.

_Doctor House has very obviously never checked out the Silence of the Lambs video's on Youtube. Some scary comments on those videos, let me tell you. _

House: That YOU'VE seen them scares me.

_Very funny. Moving on. David Shore has said that you two will "do the deed" this season. Any comments? _

House: Did I not tell you about us in Cuddy's office...?

_On television, Doctor House. On television. _

Cuddy: You know, I really don't know. With all that's happened to us recently, I just can't see us hooking up so soon. Between the new baby, and Kutner, I don't see us having time for it.

House: There's always time for sexy times.

Cuddy: Oh god. Can I _please_ be paired with someone else?

House: Yeah. Anthony Hopkins.

Cuddy: Mmm... Charming, British and blue eyes. I'm oddly okay with that.

House: HEY! I'm charming and blue eyed!

Cuddy: Are you British?

House: (shifty glance) Depends who's asking....

Cuddy: Next question please.

_I think that's for the best. Foreman and Thirteen have been hooked up for almost an entire season now. Do either of you have any comments on that? _

Cuddy: Why does my staff insist on hooking up with each other? Seriously guys?

House: Cuddy, you're going to have to come to terms with that fact that, at times, you are managing a soap opera.

Cuddy: (shrugs) Could be worse. Least none of my employee's are sleeping with dead guys.

House: Yeah. That would just be stupid!

_I think we need to move on now. Last question guys. Would either of you ever consider getting married ? Maybe not this season, but ever. And do you think that would be a smart direction for the show to head? _

House: I will never have my leg in that bear trap!

Cuddy: You will if I say you will. Or no more office sex.

House: I will gladly have my leg in that bear trap!

Cuddy: (smirks)

_Seriously guys, what do you think of that prospect? _

Cuddy: In all honesty, I think it might be an interesting arc. Look at the television show Friends. That worked out well when two of the main characters got married. It can add an extra depth to the show. Some personal life. Which would mean you could work a little less hard on the cases each week.

House: Or it could sink the show.

Cuddy: Or that.

_And there's Doctor House, being a herald of doom and gloom for us again, dear writers. Doctor House, Doctor Cuddy, thank you very much for your time today. We're going to take a short break now and see if we have some more questions after the break....or...something...._

House: Something? Yeah. That's professional...

* * *

Sky: I may have felt the need to write crazy things this chapter...

House: I'll say.

Cuddy: Hmmm....I wonder if someone watched Silence of the Lambs recently...

Sky: And Hannibal! I regret nothing!

Cuddy: (facepalm) Alright guys. Unless you want crazy random crap like this every chapter, please god, leave us some questions. The League of OTP's needs them. Or we get rants on Anthony Hopkins.

House: I still think I'm sexier then that guy....

Cuddy: Mmmkay. You think that. Till next time readers. Remember....questions!

Sky: TILL NEXT TIME, friend writers!


	3. Chapter 3: Emotions and Stuff

Sky: CHAPTER THREE!

House: Hopefully this time around there will be less Anthony Hopkins...

Cuddy: Oh House. There's always time for Anthony. (**swoons)**

Sky: o_O? Um...I...yeah...maybe we should....yeah...

House: Sky would like to thank all her reviewers. Especially ( and I ain't pickin' favorites here!) joraco14, bolis86 , and Hughlaurie4ever, for all their fabulous questions. She loved them all. Even if it seems like she's poking some fun. She isn't. And, of course, Lilahkat, who made Sky cheer in her nerdy-ass way when she saw that someone else was willing to admit that Hopkins was hot.

S,C: He's damn sexy.

House: You guys read the chapter. I'm gonna get them away from this fixation.

________

_Well, after a rocky second interview that disclosed some....unsettling facets about some of our favorite characters personalities...._

Cuddy: None of which I am owning up to...

_We can move on with our interview. We have some questions from our readers this time around. And, thankfully, they are a whole lot more focused then the questions the League of OTP's assigns us. Because, let's face it, they totally did not prepare me to deal with this whack case. _

House: I am going to take that as a compliment....

_You do that. Alright, our first question. How do you two deal with the sexual tension every time you're in the same room?_

House: That's a good question.

Cuddy: Oh god, did you just compliment someone? This_ cannot_ end well....

House: You see, the sexual tension is largely one sided. Meaning the lusting after my hot bod, is all Cuddy. I'm just that sexually magnetic. That's why whenever a single female walks into the same room as me, we've got chemistry. And our own fan base.

Cuddy: (sighs)

_Dr. Cuddy, would you be interested in giving us an actual answer to the question? _

House: She can't. She's to busy fantasizing about doing the nasty with her resident babe magnet.

Cuddy: See. I told you it was going to be bad. How do we deal with the tension? You want me to say something romantic? That we stare soulfully into each others eyes and fantasize about a time we can be together?

_That would be nice....although I'm fairly certain that is the basis on which most all Hameron fiction is based on...not Huddy...._

Cuddy: Yeah. Well good. Cause I'm not telling you that. Because it's not true. It's never true! How do we deal with the tension? We fight, we scream, we abuse each other. And just when we're on the verge on tears....

House: Evidently we make out.

Cuddy: Exactly. And that's how it works.

_Crazy masochists. Alright, next question, since you both seem so satisfied with your dysfunctional little "relationship." Will there be a Huddy baby in future and if so, when can we fans hope to expect it? _

House: Who asked those questions?

_I am not at liberty to disclose that information to you Dr. House. _

House: _(Pathetically_) Why do you hate me?

Cuddy: Him? What about _me_? Do you have any idea what his spawn would be like? Worse, do you have any idea what our child would be like?

House: Most likely the world would go up in flames.

Cuddy: To say the least.

_But it would also be an adorable piece of fluff that would serve to humanize House. Which is kind of what we emotion based writers thrive on. _

Cuddy: Trust me. You wouldn't love him if he was human.

House: Which begs the questions, what am I if not human?

Cuddy: I don't know, but you are distinctly...not. As would your spawn be.

House: Our spawn, Cuddy. Our spawn.

Cuddy: Oh god.....

_We have a few more questions to go Dr. Cuddy, if you could just stick around for a little bit longer. Another from our readers, this one directed at you, Dr. Cuddy. She would like to know, what happened to Rachel? _

House: Is that your kid?

Cuddy: Yes, House. That is my _daughter_. And as to what happened....

House: I _know_ what happened....

_Do you **know** what happened like you **knew** you and Cuddy were not going to hook up? If so, I'm not sure we really want to hear what you have to say to us.  
_

House: Yeah, well, I'm hijacking this interview. So you're going to hear what I'm going to say....pretty much regardless of what you want.

Cuddy: Can I just say what happened to_ MY_ daughter?

House: Nope. My turn, Cuddy. You see, readers, Cuddy is, in fact, a hag spawn that cannibalizes her own young.

Cuddy: You are so full of crap.

House: Not the reason? Alright. Rachel is no longer on the show because she was, in fact, a perfect child with super human abilities, and Cuddy, fearing that the government would take her child, adopted her to an anonymous family where....

Cuddy: House, that's the plot of the last season of X-Files.

House: I don't suppose you sent her into hiding with a super hot cyborg?

Cuddy: You have Fox shows on loop.

House: Damn.

_Alright. We're going to move on. Because obviously, neither of the characters have an actual answer for you. But we have established the House has at least a basic understanding of Foxes lineup. Now, we understand that you had a death on your staff. How did that make you feel? _

House: Why do people keep asking me about my feelings!?

Cuddy: Cause we want you to break. That way, when you collapse into a simpering wreck we can nurse you back to health, whilst cradling your sobbing form to our chests for mutual comfort.

House: I'd never do that.

Cuddy: Oh. You will. You will.

House: o_O?

Cuddy: Death. That's right. Um. It always hurts to lose someone. But, I'm going to come out and say I was more worried about House's mental stability during the time. Which tempered the grief I might otherwise have felt.

House: Stop asking me these fruity questions about _"feelings_" and "_emotion_s." I don't _feel_ sad! I get drunk! And sleep with hookers! And Cuddy!

Cuddy: House be a little more....

House: If I get one more question about feelings I'm gonna beat someone over the head with my cane...

_Then you **really** aren't going to like this next one. Um....when Wilson told you that you were going to end up alone, how did that make you feel? _

Cuddy: (**laughs**)

House: I'm going to kill you. Dead.

_Would you just answer the question? _

House: Fine.

Cuddy: I can answer this one.

_Dr. Cuddy, with all due respect, we would like to hear from Dr. House. _

House: Cuddy, your ass has been shot down. Alright, how did I feel about that? Honestly? Do you want to hear the whole truth?

_Yes. We would like that very much. _

House: Alright. Here it is. I don't really remember. I MAY have gone and got really drunk and uh...can't remember how I felt. Yeah. There was no despair or wall's closing in or ANYTHING.

Cuddy: Yeah. Of course. And he totally didn't show up crying on my porch a few hours later....

House: Cuddy...

Cuddy: And then he _totally_ didn't ask for me to hold his hand....or hold him for a while...

_Oh my god, he did that? _

Cuddy: (Lamely) No.

House: Hahah! You've been served!

_Yeah, yeah, whatever you emotionally crippled invalid. I believe we've got enough for this interview, thank you both for your time and your....completely fabricated answers. _

House: Always a pleasure. And we all know how much Cuddy loves to perjure herself...

_And we'll be cutting this off before another brawl breaks off. Until the next session. _

_____

Sky: There we go. No Hopkins. Nope. Won't be mentioned again in this story. To everyone who was kind enough to send in some questions, thank you again. They were amazing and pretty much made the chapter. Plus, it was fun to see if I could work with them. Hopefully it turned out alright.

Cuddy: As a side note, Sky would like all Hameron fans to know that she does not mind them or their pairing. It ain't her choice, but she doesn't mean any harm when she pokes fun at the coupling. She's just be a facetious little thing.

Sky: CAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL! Alright. If you have any questions you would like asked, send em' in. Even the silly/nerdy ones. I loves those kind.

House: Freak. Alright. We'll see you all around next time, readers. Till then.


	4. Chapter 4: I'd Go Catherine Zeta On Ya

Sky: Sorry for the delay in updates. School was being nasty again. Stupid life. Getting in the way of writing.

Cuddy: But she's back with a new update for you and hopefully it's funny. Again, Sky would like to thank everyone for reviewing. And Hughlaurie4ever, looooooosingmaiimind, bolis86, AutumnPromises, and ChocoLover1331 for their questions. She tried to use them all. And they were great. Thanks guys.

House: Can we just get on with this? Sky does not own Cuddy or I or anyone's questions. ONWARDS!

* * *

_After a longer break than usual we are back with more questions for Doctors House and Cuddy, sent in from none other than readers like you. Sometimes I wonder why people feel the need to feed this madness and keep me trapped here with these loony toons. But I digress. Our first question for the day is a rather personal one for Doctor House. Doctor, would you rather have sex with Cameron or Thirteen?_

House: Yes! _That's _the kind of questions we're looking for!

Cuddy: Do you really want to answer that question?

House: Do I?

Cuddy: No.

House: Hmm. Very interesting. I think I'll answer it.

Cuddy: House, if you don't want to spend the rest of your days wiping noses and picking up my dry cleaning….

House: Cuddy, I am being asked a very legitimate question. Do not intervene with very serious journalism. Hmm. If I had to pick between them…Thirteen.

Cuddy: The only other person that's as dead inside as you?

House: Pssh. I'm not that shallow, Cuddy. She's just hotter. And probably wouldn't cry afterwards…

_This begs the other question of course. Doctor Cuddy, what would you do if he actually did have sex with them?_

House: I like this question less…

Cuddy: That's actually an easy one to answer. You ever seen Chicago?

_Um…yes…._

Cuddy: Let's just say I'd be channeling a bit of Catherine Zeta.

_Homicidal references aside, I think it's in all our best interests to move on. Next question. We all know House likes anomaly's, so this reader would like to know, what caught your attention the first time you met Cuddy?_

House: Her ass.

Cuddy: You didn't even _see_ my ass the first time we met. I was sitting down.

House: Oh Cuddy. There is no hiding an ass as fine as yours, chair or not. You're _that _good.

Cuddy: I'm actually going to take that as a compliment.

House: You should.

Cuddy: House is lying though. What caught his attention the first time was not my butt. I caught his attention with my sparkling charm and winning smile.

House: Yeah. Me and every other guy in the room. Tramp.

Cuddy: Says the man who thought it would be a great idea to streak through the university dorms…

House: I WAS MISLED!

_Do I really want to hear where this is going…I don't think I do…._

Cuddy: You're going to hear anyway.

House: Yeah; the tale of treachery, deception and Cuddy-devilry. Yeah. That's right. _Devilry._

_Dr. Cuddy, I don't believe I've ever seen Dr. House so very worked up. Is it right for me to assume that you did something horrifically bad to him that scars his dead soul even now?_

House: I feel like I've just been insulted…

_I admit nothing..._

Cuddy: I didn't do anything that bad. I just said I might let him see me naked if he stripped and ran through the dorms. And uh…he did and uh….I…didn't.

House: You see! I'm the good guy here. I've got the heart of gold.

_You can say that as often as you like Dr. House, no one is going to believe you. Now that we've wasted a bit of time on that completely pointless and in no way related story, let's move on to the next question. No speaking until we're done with it. Are we clear? _

House: N….

_What did I just say!? No speaking! Alright, the reader would like to know…. House, are you ever going to tell Cuddy the dreaded/feared words 'I love you'?_

Cuddy: Yeah, House? Are you?

House: I don't like this question. It's out to get me.

_It's a question, Doctor. It cannot be out to get you._

House: You say that, but I think you're lying. I can't answer this. If I say yes then Cuddy's gonna drag me to Vegas right now and FORCE me to marry her. And if I say now she's gonna permenantly relocate one of those demon heels of hers in my ass. It's a no win situation!

Cuddy: And if you don't answer it I'm still gonna do that.

House: Fine. But only because I'm afraid of your dominatrix heels! Yes. I'm sure I'll do something to let Cuddy know I love her. But tell her I love her? Seriously, who do you think I am? Do I look snuggly? Have I ever told something I loved it?

Cuddy: In his defense he hasn't. Not even that stupid lab rat.

House: Do not speak ill of the dead, Cuddy! May Steve rest in peace…..

Cuddy: House just does stupid things to let people know he loves them. Like torturing them. Or making their lives living hells. So if he shoves me in front of a car or something, I will know I am well loved.

_The more I talk to you people, the more I get the feeling that you should never, ever, ever reproduce. Next question is for you Doctor Cuddy. If House got sick or hurt, and it was your fault, what would you do?_

House: Go cry in the janitor closet and write about it in her little emo-diary?

Cuddy: Yes, House. That is exactly what I do every time you attempt of your little suicide stunts.

_Answer the question Doctor Cuddy or we will be forced to believe Doctor House. And trust me, nobody wants that. _

Cuddy: If I injured House chances are he deserved it.

_Well….let's say it was something you didn't intend. Like…you hit him with your car. _

Cuddy: If I hit with my car, chances are because he did something stupid.

House: Like sleep with Thirteen!

Cuddy: Exactly. Thank you.

_You do realize you just gave her a reason to hit you with a car? _

House: Yeah. But in this situation she's going to hit me with the car anyway. So I might as well sleep with Thirteen anyway.

Cuddy: And that's the critical thinking skills that got him hired….

_Yeah. Well. According to the show, you hired him for some very different skills. Next question is for Doctor House. If you and Cuddy got together would your actions at the hospital be any different? Would you still scream and bicker with each other??_

House: Hell yes!

Cuddy: God, I don't know if we could be together without fighting.

House: Nope, couldn't happen. We're like yin and yang.

Cuddy: Heaven and hell….

House: Ninja's and Pirates….

_Wow. You're both secretly nerds. _

House: Tell anyone and Cuddy will sick her candy striper monkeys on you.

Cuddy: Or Wilson.

House: I said monkeys, Cuddy. That covers Wilson.

_There we go. Already back to fighting. That should make everyone feel better. Nothing, no amount of love, or children or happiness will change their desire to rip each other to shreds. Endearing, isn't it? Alright, one final question for you two. If you were ever to get married, what is the song you would have playing at the reception? _

House: The End.

Cuddy: Cell Block Tango.

House: What is with you and the threats today?

Cuddy: Pssh. Not a threat. Just a warning, honey, cause I love you.

House: Yeah. With sharp, pointy objects….

_So many nasty innuendos coming to mind. While I get my mind out of the gutter, we'll take a short break. We'll be back shortly. _

_

* * *

_Sky: Sorry. That was kind of a short one. But it's done!

House: Do you really need to say that when it's obvious that the chapters over anyway.

Sky: YES! Otherwise I wouldn't be trippy weird!

Cuddy: Trust me, dear. Nothing's going to change that.

Sky: Meany. Alright! I'm off! Feel free to submit questions. Or review. Cause reviews are like wonderfully tasty treats. And I like me my sugary treats! Till next time guys! Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5: At Long Last!

Sky: I am distraught. I haven't update this thing in forever. Huddy became uncannon _again_. House is a crazy loon….

Cuddy: You do realize you just totally spoiled that episode for anyone who hasn't seen it, correct?

Sky: I'M BEYOND CARING! Onwards to the story viewers. And thank you for your questions. All of you guys ROCK. If some of the questions don't seem to fit anymore well. Uh….it's cause I'm behind, alright?

______________________-

_After an overly long hiatus that would have brought an actual interview show to its knees, (but not us, nay, never us!) we have returned to answer your lovely questions and give you something to do over the summer. We even rescued Dr. House from the mental institution for the duration of this interview. Now, on to the long awaited quests. Doctor Cuddy, this question doesn't really apply any more, but why weren't you wearing any socks in the promo for last week's episode? _

House: I can tell you.

Cuddy: No. No he can't, he's lying. I wasn't wearing any socks….

House: 'Cause I knocked them off with all the hot sexiness. Or just the hot sex; never can remember.

Cuddy: Seriously? Be more immature, House.

House: Hey, you asked for this the minute you jumped into bed with me! No longer can I be held responsible for my actions; everything's your fault from here on out!

Cuddy: I'm screwed…

House: Not since this morning….

_Oh, don't worry Doctor Cuddy, we learned the next week that it was all in Doctor House's head. So technically you never slept with him. _

House: Epic** fail!**

_Tell me about it._

Cuddy: Interviewer, you disgust me. To answer your original question, I wasn't wearing socks because I was wearing heels. And Houses apartment hasn't be swept for the better part of a decade…..and evidently because it was all in his head and in House's mind, socks no longer exist.

House: (cheerfully) I used them all to gag Amber and Kutner.

_I really don't think that I want to know any more about that, so let's move on. House, how do you feel about Cuddy being a mom? And for that matter how do you feel about Rachel?_

House: How do I feel about Rachel? I feel she is a tiny little monster that is sapping the energy and life out of my Cuddy. She has also established herself as my arch nemesis. Consider yourself warned munchkin. Consider yourself warned.

Cuddy: You're intimidated by a child?

House: Not just any child, Cuddy. _Your_ child. That's something to be afraid of.

_Yes, well, House is also a proven lunatic so don't put too much stock in his conspiracy theories, eh Doctor? Now, Cuddy, when you went up to asked House that question in his office, after he helped you with IVF treatments, did you not ask him to be the sperm donor because you were afraid he'd say no, or afraid he'd say yes?_

House: You were gonna ask _me_ to father your child!?

Cuddy: Thanks. I never told him that.

House: Cuddy, I thought we discussed this! Our spawn would conquer the universe! The UNIVERSE, Cuddy!

Cuddy: I hadn't thought about that at the time! All I knew was I wanted a kid almost as much as I wanted YOU and I could have both in one fell swoop.

House: Trixy.

Cuddy: I know, right?

_Get back on topic. Did you not ask him because you…_

Cuddy: Yeah, yeah. I was scared. In all actuality it was because I was afraid he'd say yes. For all his bravado House would never have been able to tell me no. He acts all tough and he's an arrogant bastard but he's really a big teddy bear. Where I'm concerned at least.

House: You tell anyone and I'll kill you dead.

_I'll consider myself warned. Oh dear, another outdated question. But we'll store the answer away for in the future, when it's not a hallucination. "So now that you guys are officially doing the deed, how are you guys handling it?"_

House: YES! Questions about sexy times!

Cuddy: That happened in your HEAD! And I'm sorry that's kind of a personal topic, I couldn't answer that question.

House: I COULD!

_I'm going to check maturely off the list. Next question. What can you tell us about said rumors that you two are going to screw each other's brains out? Well…this one seems redundant now…._

House: Completely true. 100%.

Cuddy: Unfortunately that rumors true… or it was until House took a sharp left turn towards Crazy Ville.

House: Completely side-stepped Looney Toon Central.

"_Loony Toon Central?" That's how I can tell something is wrong with you! How did the one night stand happen? The one we only got a brief reference to._

House: I had a prom picture of Cuddy that I threatened to make public knowledge if she didn't go out with me for a week.

Cuddy: Unfortunately that is true.

House: It is oddly comforting to know that no matter how many years we spend together, blackmail will always be the crux of our relationship.

Cuddy: Mmm, very romantic.

_Shall we shift gears a bit? This is a hypothetical question for House. It may make you uncomfortable, but I have faith that you will be capable of answering it. You know, with you being insane and an egotistical jerk and what not. The question: what would you do if Cuddy got pregnant with somebody else's baby?_

House: Well that's simple a simple answer to give. And I can answer by giving you a few words to sum up my plan. Garroting wire, shot gun, trunk of Cuddy's car…

Cuddy: Seriously, my own car!?

House: It makes the murder all the sweeter!

_I'm beginning to understand why you were taken away, Doctor. As an extension to the previous question…._

House: Pssh, what are you extending? The guys DEAD.

_Would you let me __**finish**__? What would you do if it was your baby?  
_

House: The words shrieking, running, and "House shaped hole in Cuddy's door" come to mind.

_Somehow that does not surprise me very much. Alright; moving on. This questions is very interesting. And is for our Doctor Cuddy: do you love house?_

House: Yeah, Cuddy, do you?

Cuddy: I don't like this question. I think it's invasive and…and…designed to give House a big head and…

House: Answer the damn question, woman!

Cuddy: (glares) Yes. I suppose…that I love House. In a weird, twisted, screwed up way that will no doubt threaten both our sanity and will end with one of us committing suicide or crap like that.

House: Aw. Cuddy said she'd commit suicide for me! But Cuddy….don't do that. I…I don't want you to die to prove your love for me…

Cuddy: House….

House: I'd rather you _murdered_ someone for me. In _fact_, there's this guard at the institution….

Cuddy: You bastard.

_I think that' s our cue to end the interview. Thank you again for the lovely questions, fair readers and accept our most sincere apologies as to the late quality of this piece. Until next time, this is the Interviewer, signing off. Alright Doctor House, time to take you back to the asylum..._

_________

Sky: (Sobs dramatically) I'm sorry, that wasn't all that funny. If I do another, it'll be better.

House: Oh, you say that now, but then you'll get there in three months and you'll be all "Oh, sorry it wasn't that funny...but the NEXT one..."

Sky: HEY! Shut up, crazy! (And get out of my head....)

Cuddy: You guys are both crazy. Readers, we'd like to thank you for sticking with us this long and for your questions once again. Sky also apologizes once more for the delay's in updates and the subsequent lack in quality....or whatever. Thank you, and have an enjoyable day.


	6. Chapter 6: David's Shore Legion Of Angst

Sky: Well, it's still summer. And you know what that means? That's right, no new House. Which means he's still a crazy wacko hallucinating dead folks and fan fiction writers are left to either twiddle their thumbs or come up with horribly moving, wonderful story full of excellent plots lines, touching emotional disclosures and a catharsis that leaves us all beaming….

Cuddy: Things that will inevitably be shot down by David Shore during the first five minutes of the episode.

Sky: Well aren't you just a basket of joy? Yeah; fine. Anyway, I don't own House, Cuddy, fan fiction, or well written stories that involve joy and enlighten-y goodness. Me, I got sarcasm and cheap jokes. Good times! Before we start, I would like to apologize in advance for this chapter. It may be found as slightly disheartening, and features many a random tangent. For this, I apologize most sincerely. I would also like to apologize in advance to any Twilight fan out there. I took a stab at you. It's not to be taken personal. And I'm sorry if it uh...offends you....? AND OF COURSE, thanks to everyone for their questions, which were awesome and....

House: GET ON WITH IT!

Sky: FINE! ONWARDS!

___________

_Well dear readers, we are back for yet another interview. Though you wouldn't have thought it from how long we've been absent. Perhaps you even thought that we'd been captured in one of our attempts to spring House out of his cell at the insane asylum. _

Cuddy: He doesn't have a cell. It's not Arkham.

_That's what you tell us Doctor but I have reason to doubt you. _

Cuddy: What reasons? Give me one reason.

_I would but I don't have to. I am writing this interview, ergo, I get to abuse my creative powers as the dungeon master type person. Needless to say, for the sake of this interview, House is restrained to a cell. _

Cuddy: But he isn't.

_Oh Doctor, never lets facts stand in the way of a good story. The Batman, Harry Potter, and Twilight fans have been doing it for years. Except for the Twilight fans; who feel they were deprived the subsequent amount of time to make themselves properly obsessive and thus worked over time to obtain their quota of crazy. Bless their hearts. But we are here to give an interview and we are broadcasting live from the inside of House's cell. _

Cuddy: We're not in a cell.

_But we are. First question is for…Doctor House himself. Why am I not surprised? At least it's an amusing one. Doctor House, they are wondering if you would ever been interested in having a threesome. If so, with Wilson or Chase?_

House: A two GUY threesome!? That's not the good kind!

Cuddy: I think I might love this question.

House: No seriously, it asks between Wilson and CHASE!? Where's Thirteen?

_Just Thirteen? I would have thought you'd also prefer Cameron._

House: Naw, her boyfriend's prettier.

Cuddy: No, seriously, I love this question. I might run away with this question…..

_Easy there, Doctor, we have an interview to conduct. And this next question is for the both of you I'm afraid. Do try to answer it rationally. "What do you think of Chase and Cameron actually getting married before you even got together?"_

House: No, seriously, did anyone _ever_ believe that we'd get together first?

Cuddy: I didn't. And I'm part of the relationship.

House: Yeah. Viewers, you gotta get this down. We don't get together. It's not what we do. See Chase and Cameron? See em there, with their blondness and their adorable cuteness and inability to trust on another that they ultimately overcome, and by overcoming it, thus become closer together and even more in love? You see that? Yeah. Never gonna happen for this one. Or that one there.

Cuddy: Nope. Not going to happen.

House: See, she said it.

Cuddy: You see viewers, we've got this whole, "so f-ed up emotionally that we can't even converse with other human beings in a rational manner" type chemistry down _so_ well, that they're just going to keep teasing you with it. Till one of us dies.

House: Or, you know, is killed off by an infectious disease.

Cuddy: Most likely transmitted by one of us to the other, thereby throwing the surviving member of the relationship into a spiral of angst that will serve as an entire seasons arc.

House: Unfortunately, this means that Cuddy will likely bite it before we admit our love to each other.

Cuddy: Yup. Difficult to kill the title character off on a television show.

House: So viewers, stop hoping that we'll get together. Don't compare us to "the Happy Couple" or "the Adorable Couple." Because we're not.

Cuddy: We're screwed up.

House: Which is why we kick the most ass.

_Alright, the original question was how you felt about their marriage but I suppose that tangent was…somewhat related. Moving on to the next question, Doctor Cuddy, this reader would like to know how you're going to handle the "I slept with Lisa Cuddy!" thing in the hospital?_

Cuddy: That's actually easy to handle. You see, shortly after he yelled that, we sent him off to the loony bin, which discounts his entire story.

_But I am fairly certain you chose to keep that hidden from the general hospital staff. As far as they know, he was merely being House. Which means that his story is still perfectly valid._

Cuddy: …..

_Doctor Cuddy?_

Cuddy: S%*T!

_Alright, moving on….Cuddy would you actually like for the sex to happen?_

House: I can answer that one; she'd love it. Wants it to happen next season actually. Next episode if we're keeping track; right in this cell…er, wing of the asylum….

Cuddy: I GOT IT! I'll tell them that a hallucinogenic drug was slipped into the cafeteria food causing them all to _believe_ that House told them that we had sex.

House: Come on Cuddy, you expect them to believe that they _SHARED_ a hallucination?

Cuddy: This is _my _desperate rationalization, I'm allowed to believe anything I want!

House: Not when it's stupid!

_The original question was actually…_

Cuddy: Hey! Drugging food has worked before….

House: No, no Cuddy. Unless this is an 80's movie and your happen to be David Bowie in disguise, it does not work….

Cuddy:….

House: You're picturing that now aren't you?

Cuddy: …

House: Yup. She's gone. Go ahead, ask your questions, she'll be back after she finishes her lewd fantasies about his pants.

_That…is not something I want to hear about... _

House: Get her drunk. It's ALL you'll hear about.

_I'll make a note of that. Next question, please. House, how do you feel about being way from Cuddy while your stay at the loony bin?  
_

House: At the moment, pretty damn good. She does that "stare off into space fantasizing thing" pretty often. Not sure I'm okay with that. Messes with my emotionally unavailable, occasionally emo, hallucinogenic self.

_Again, people, I am not asking you for an in-depth analysis of your feelings, just answer the damn question. Do you miss the woman!? _

House: Don't expect to draw an emotional answer out of me! It's against my character!

…

House: Fine. You got me. I miss her. I love her, and I want to be with her forever and ever, and I love her more and I'd marry her if I thought she'd say yes, and Cuddy, Cuddy, I love you so very, very much….

Cuddy: …Whoo. I'm back. What did I miss?

House: ...

_I…I think my soul may have just died a little. _

Cuddy: Something important?

_I... don't even know how to respond to that. Let's move on before I cry the desperate tears of a fangirl spurned. Cuddy do you actually blame House for yelling that you two had sex, now that you know what happened?_

Cuddy: Yes. Next question.

_House, if you had to choose between Wilson and Cuddy, do you think you could? And if you absolutely had to; who would you choose? Explain your reasons if possible._

House: So this is the Batman type situation, where I have to choose between saving my gay side kick and the hot chick I'm ultimately going to hook up with?

_I wouldn't say it's exactly…_

House: And if it was one of those situations, I'd be Batman. So we all know I'm going to have to save them both. Because you can't kill the side kick. And I have to have some kind of arm candy. So I choose not to choose. Because they are both going to live.

_That wasn't an option!_

House: I'm the hero. Everything's an option. Except, you know, escaping David Shore and his legion of angst monkeys.

Cuddy: They can be cruel.

_Fine. Another one for Doctor House. "How's Mayfair treating you? Has Cuddy come to visit you?"_

House: Mayfair sucks. There's no one here for me to drive insane. There's no Dean in a ridiculous tight skirt. They stole my Gameboy and the only people I have to keep me company are the voices in my head. And, as a result of being in this awful place, they just keep singing "Magic Dance" over and over again.

Cuddy: Let the record show that I would have come to rescue him. But the angst monkeys were too strong…

_Perhaps House should not be alone in his stay here…anyway, we have another question, and it is the same one, posed to both of you, so please try and answer seriously. If that is even possible. Where do you two think you're relationship is going now that House in the loony bin?_

Cuddy: You don't want to hear the truth.

House: You want to hear the truth? I'll tell you the truth. I'm stuck here. And I'm crazy. And at least the first five episodes of the season, if not more, are going to have me being crazy. During those episodes, Cuddy's going to be acting like a bitch….

Cuddy: It's true. A total and complete bitch. And for good measure, I'm going to fight with my emotions, tell myself I never cared about House, and bury my feelings under wave after wave of self destructive anger. Most likely directed at Wilson.

House: Wilson will of course play mediator and try and convince Cuddy to come and see me. But she's being a bitch so she won't. And the angst monkeys will roam wild and free, whooping and hooting for joy.

_Alright, something of a downer right there. How about this one. I can tell it's going to be quick. Cuddy, is House really fired?_

Cuddy: It would make my life a whole lot easier. But no. You ever tried getting rid of the title character? Doesn't go well. Writers start scheming against you in nefarious ways.

_Another quick one, that you will most likely avoid answering; would you consider House the great love of your life?_

Cuddy: Yes. But it would take…well it would take a crap load of hallucinogenic cafeteria food to get me to admit to that.

_Well, we have come to the end of this segment, and we are forced to ask: what do either of you want to happen in the next season?_

House: I would like to be free of this crazy house. It's cold here, and they abuse me.

_The Doctors?_

House: No. The Mary Sues. I can feel them. Lurking around the corner. This emotional instability of mine is drawing them to me by the dozen. The second you guys leave, they will descend on me en masse' to offer counseling and share their own stories of…well, child abuse, most likely.

_Because that has something to do with your mental unbalance…?_

House: No. It's just traumatic. Evidently it "links us together," or some crap.

Cuddy: On that note, I would like to not be a complete bitch at the beginning of next season. But I have the inkling feeling that Shore will be using me for his own nefarious purpose to appease the rabid beast known as: dramatic tension.

_Indeed. Well, this was an enlightening, if disheartening, interview. Until next time everyone, we're signing out. _

____

Sky: Wow. You guys are constant downers.

House: We're the tragic couple. It's what we do.

Cuddy: Agreed. You love us because we will never be together.

Sky: NO! It's not true! I'm not listening. La-la-la-la-la…

Cuddy: While Sky desperately tries to rationalize things to herself, feel free to review. We would love you for it.


End file.
